So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
