Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I need a burrito and a hug.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
