So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
