I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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