how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
