i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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