So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
