All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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