My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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