just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
