You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
