We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
