Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
