If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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