I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
