Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
