did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
