I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize