I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
