I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
