no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
