Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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