Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
