you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I pour the whiskey from now on
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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