I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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