Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
