i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
