My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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