I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
