We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
