It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize