Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
