I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
