Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
