I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
