In America we eat man semen.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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