3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
