I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize