A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My penis needs a shock collar
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
