Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
