i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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