as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He did a backflip because drugs
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
