The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
