I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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