It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
