i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
