i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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