I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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