it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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