my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
