I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
