I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
