they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
