we're chasing vodka with high fives
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You're like the curious george of whores
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
