We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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