life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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