I CAN MOONWALK!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm at about main and main street
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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