You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
