ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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