i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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