There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize