it hurts more in the daytime
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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