I think I died a long time ago.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
