I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
