did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
