Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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