If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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