His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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