Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
