Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize