Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
