Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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