I just saw a hot homeless man
apparently the secret to your success is patron
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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