The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
