It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
