You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
