I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
