I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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