ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
