You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
