I cannot find my penis.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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